Romance takes one to the head

There's an old saying that nothing sells like the death of a pretty young woman. And Hollywood knows this. Flip through the channels, rent a movie, or finger through the pages of Readers Digest and you're bound to run into a damsel (preferably white) in distress. The dramatic motif of fatal attraction with a side helping of sex and violence is nothing new. Guy wants girl, guy stalks girl because he just "loves" her so much, then tries to "convince" her through non-consensual sex that she really feels the same way about him. Or guy finds girl attractive, guy drugs girl, has non-consensual sex to punish her for leading him on. The list of ways perpetrators of violence try to explain away their transgressions as a show of some deeper affection goes on and on. And screen writers have brought just about every combination of excuses to a silver screen near you.

I though I had seen just about everything, until I happened upon a disturbing episode of Law And Order: Criminal Intent.

The killer (played by Neil Patrick Harris no less) hideously brain damages women because he's.....lonely. Harris' shy, withdrawn and overly sensitive character can't find the gentle romance he seeks. So he drugs women, kidnaps them, performs primitive home lobotomies on them by pouring a bit of boiling water over their brain (via a small whole drilled into the skull), then dotes over their helpless babbling forms. Do you have a case of the warm fuzzies yet?

This bizarre and upsetting story line is par for course in the Law and Order series, especially the Special Victims Unit spin off, but the really creepy part of the episode is the main detective's sympathy for the suspect.

Harris' character feels the only way he can have a relationship with a woman is if she's brain damaged, and totally reliant on him. He has an inability to be with a woman who's his equal. And while the detective might not whole heartily agree with Harris' methods, he feels the same discomfort about feeling vulnerable.

The detective views the killer's actions through his own fear of intimacy and tries to play down the seriousness of his crimes. Instead of wanting a comatose sex object, the killer wants a living doll he can take care of. To the detective these acts are somehow more noble than your usual assault and kill. Yes, he might be permanently brain damaging young women, and accidentally killing a few, but aww shucks, he doesn't mean it.

Instead of a crime of passion, the audience is asked to believe this is a crime of romance, not an act of animal desire, but aching love. Which is just as bad if not more dangerous. After decades we're just now starting to accept that sex and rape is more about power than physical attraction. But we still refuse to shine a light on the arcane mechanics of western heterosexual romance. If we ever did, I'm sure the diamond industry would collapse in matter of hours.

But engagements rings and make up sex aside. We all get lonely from time to time. We all have obstacles to finding compatible romantic partners. But most of us don't attempt to solve these problems by sauteing someone's head meat, or construct elaborate trial defenses around the psychological burden of datelessness.

This Valentine's Day I'm keeping a close eye on my drink, pepper spray in my pocket, and pair of brass knuckles in my bag so no one tries to say "I love you" with first degree murder.